Top 10 Albums That Aged Like Milk

Jay-Z emerged from retirement with *Kingdom Come*, an album that sold 680,000 copies in its first week solely on goodwill from *The Black Album*. The title itself aged poorly, as it wasn’t a kingdom come moment; Jay-Z has never performed most of its tracks on tour, skipping them for years. At 15 years of disregard, *Kingdom Come* is the only retirement-era album where the artist systematically ignored half its songs, making it a 680,000-copy monument to unmet expectations.

Pitchfork gave Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven a 0.0, making it one of only two albums in the site's history to receive that score. Kid Cudi's grunge-inspired double album featured him screaming over distorted guitars with the confidence of someone who had never actually listened to the genre. The 9-minute Beavis and Butt-Head interludes weren't ironic enough to salvage it. 75% of critics panned the raw, unpolished production, and it sold just 44,000 copies in its first week, a 60% drop from his previous release, Indicud. Cudi later pivoted back to his melodic strengths, but this remains the most bewildering creative decision of the 2010s.

Revival sold just 197,000 copies in its first week, a 45% decline from Eminem's previous album, The Marshall Mathers LP 2, and it remains his worst-performing debut since 2000. The 19-track album featured collaborations with Ed Sheeran, Beyoncé, and P!nk, but sounded like it was focus-grouped by a committee of dads who just discovered Spotify, with choppy flows, cringe punchlines about aging, and Rick Rubin's stripped-down production draining all energy. It holds a 50% positive rating on Metacritic, and spawned only one top-10 single, "River." Fans and critics alike deemed it a nadir.

Results May Vary debuted at #3 on the Billboard 200 but plummeted 80% in its second week, selling just 38,000 copies, a steeper drop than Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven. By 2003, nu-metal was already gasping for air, and Fred Durst accelerated its demise with a cover of George Michael's "Faith" and songs about his breakup with an MTV VJ. Without guitarist Wes Borland, who had quit, the album lost its one musically interesting element, resulting in a messy, 14-track collection. It holds a 31% approval rating on Metacritic, far below Limp Bizkit's earlier work like Significant Other (73%). The album became a symbol of the genre's collapse, with 60% of reviews criticizing its lack of cohesion.

Lulu sold just 31,000 copies in its first week and holds a 38% positive rating on Metacritic, making it the worst-reviewed album from both Metallica and Lou Reed's catalogs. The 87-minute collaboration features Reed's spoken-word poetry over thrash riffs, which sounds like a comedy sketch but is entirely sincere. "I am the table" became an instant meme, and Rolling Stone gave it one star. Compared to Results May Vary, which at least had a brief chart peak, Lulu never cracked the top 30 in the US after its debut week. Lars Ulrich called it "the best thing we've ever done," a claim that says more about Lars than the album.

No album this decade squandered goodwill faster than The Big Day. Chance the Rapper's debut studio album, following three Grammy-winning mixtapes, landed with just 77 on Metacritic and triggered a brutal 71% second-week sales plunge — the steepest drop of any album on this list. Its 22 tracks obsess over domestic bliss with Hallmark-card sincerity, but where Heartbreak on a Full Moon buries you in sheer volume, The Big Day fails with a single, suffocating theme. That 77 score is still 12 points higher than Chris Brown's record, yet Chance's fall from critical darling to punchline feels steeper because it happened overnight.

With 45 tracks spanning 158 minutes, Heartbreak on a Full Moon isn't an album — it's a stamina test. Chris Brown released this behemoth in 2017, and it went platinum purely because streaming services count any 30-second skip as a play, a loophole that exposes the flaws in the streaming economy more than any musical merit. That density difference means Heartbreak demands 82 more minutes of your life for a larger volume of forgettable R&B.