"I am the table" — 87 minutes of collaborative confusion.
Lulu sold just 31,000 copies in its first week and holds a 38% positive rating on Metacritic, making it the worst-reviewed album from both Metallica and Lou Reed's catalogs. The 87-minute collaboration features Reed's spoken-word poetry over thrash riffs, which sounds like a comedy sketch but is entirely sincere. "I am the table" became an instant meme, and Rolling Stone gave it one star. Compared to #7's Results May Vary, which at least had a brief chart peak, Lulu never cracked the top 30 in the US after its debut week. Lars Ulrich called it "the best thing we've ever done," a claim that says more about Lars than the album. Only 12% of Metallica's fanbase rated it positively in fan polls.

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